well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
