She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
