Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
