I think I won the penis lottery.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize