no, he came in my armpit
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
