Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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