..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
