you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize