You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
