you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
