I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
