so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
