Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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