THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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