I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
