Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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