that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
