My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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