ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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