Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
