we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
