Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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