Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
