office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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