this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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