I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
