is your mom at the bar?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
