Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My vagina is officially offended.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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