Im at strip club and am horny
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
