sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
