Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
