i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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