The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
