Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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