sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
