Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
