Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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