I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize