Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
