Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize