Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can I color on your dick again?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
