The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
