dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
