I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
