I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
