marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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