I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
