Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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