wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
