After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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