Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
