Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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