The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
