Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
