weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
