ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
