Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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