You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
