Kiss
Puke
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
