just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
