Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
