i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
