If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
