I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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