Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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