that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
