Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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