I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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