Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
