Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
