If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
