I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
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