One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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